It's as the title says. Currently eighteen and attending high school. I am in desperate need for help as this is like my "last chance" to finally define my sexual orientation and break free from the hell on earth.

Background: I have always been very spiritual and despite what people have said, I still believe in God. I don't know if I am a "Christian," but that will be for God to decide. However, the main thing I have trouble in life, at the moment, is the contradictions my life has with the confusing Bible. T_T it's really hurting me as it is a part of who I am...

I am also half Korean and Chinese. I never really had a father; no never actually. And mother was always working. So no one knew the "secret life" I lived at home alone during these past few years. In Asian cultures, it is supposedly common for men to be masculine; macho...blah blah/etc. except some exceptions -_-. So during these five years, I have been living a lie; hiding behind a mask; yaddah yaddah yaddah...same story as everyone else right?

Problem: Anyways, how to come about coming out?

For the past five years, I have been into gay pornography, and no matter how I tried to resist at times; by watching "straight" pron/etc...I couldn't reject who I am. In "humiliation," I tried to convince myself I was Bisexual, and I did, but only for a short time. The reason for this? Being Gay was blasphemous in the Bible>Sodom&Gommorah>Consequences;Leviticus 18/20...;"Man was created in the image of God"?...So many overwhelming concepts, as well as contradicting ideas; ie: Jesus died for our sins. So isn't blashpemy(lust, gay sexual acts, etc.)=sin...which...=sin? meaning sin is still sin? Sometimes I have times where I question the Bible...Especially since anyone could have messed around with it to make laws according to what they wanted...=/ So confused. T_T If anyone has something to say to this please reply. Well, if it's going to be something like "you're stupid"...etc...then keep it to yourself please. Thanks.

Hello, I read your story, and I can understand how you feel. However, as much as you believe in God, and as much as you think you are Christian, i recommend, NOT putting too much importance on some of the parts of the Bible. I'm Canadian,and my Church (United Church of Canada) was the FIRST chirst to marry Gay people in Canada. My Minister even says, the WORLD was NOT created in 7 days, contrary to what Genesis may say.

You should see an episode of the WEST WING where the president rips a new asshole into some Radio Commentator, who is against Gays, and she quotes the bible. here is the script, I recommen you WATCH it if you can!

President Josiah Bartlet: You're Dr. ***** Jacobs, right?

***** Jacobs: Yes, sir.

Bartlet: ...Forgive me, Dr. Jacobs. Are you an M.D.?

Jacobs: A Ph.D.

Bartlet: A Ph.D.

Jacobs: Yes, sir.

Bartlet: Psychology?

Jacobs: No, sir.

Bartlet: Theology?

Jacobs: No.

Bartlet: Social work?

Jacobs: I have a Ph.D. in English literature.

Bartlet: I'm asking because on your show, people call in for advice and you go by the name Dr. Jacobs on your show, and I didn't know if maybe your listeners were confused by that and assumed you had advanced training in psychology, theology or health care.

Jacobs: I don't believe they are confused, no, sir.

Bartlet: Good. I like your show. I like how you call homosexuality an abomination.

Jacobs: I don't say homosexuality is an abomination, Mr. President, the Bible does.

Bartlet: Yes, it does. Leviticus.

Jacobs: 18:22.

Bartlet: Chapter and verse. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I had you here. I'm interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She's a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While thinking about that, can I ask another? My chief of staff, Leo McGarry, insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or is it okay to call the police? Here's one that's really important because we've got a lot of sports fans in this town. Touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side-by-side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads? Think about those questions, would you? One last thing, while you may be mistaking this for your monthly meeting of the Ignorant Tight-Ass Club, in this building, when the President stands, nobody sits.
--------------------------

So please, remember GOD loves YOU, and that we never CHOSE to be gay, we were born this way, and I think it is very very important to have spirituality (christian or otherwise) but to believe in something that says you were born WRONG/SINFUL/EVIL, that isn't something I would want to believe in....

Being raised Catholic, educated Catholic and having lived in a predominantly Catholic and Asian society, I have an idea of how you feel. You're dilemmas sound pretty much like mine when I was about your age.

Sin is a pretty tricky thing. For us Christians, we have been brought up with the concept of guilt and sin since we were little that almost everything we do in life are dictated by sin and guilt.

Maybe it will help you if you remember this passage from the bible. "To everything there is a reason and a purpose under heaven." True the verses may be talking about the cycles of life, but if you look at them figuratively, they encompass everything.


Also, remember that the old testament and the new testament are totally different books. The god of the old testament was a vengeful, jealous, spiteful god which gay-bashers LOVE to quote from.

The god of the new testament is a more loving, caring, sympathetic god. Maybe you should focus on the New Testament for your Bible reading? It might help you.

In the end, if you want to be a good Christian and be gay at the same time, I believe it is how well you treat other people that is more important. Being a good person trumps your being gay, Asian and Christian.

Catholic Theological Society: “Sex in about any form is acceptable, so long as it is self-liberating, other-enriching, honest, faithful, socially responsible, life-serving and joyous”.

Don't come out to your mother until you have found someone you love and want her to like too.

There is no "last chance" to finally define your sexual orientation. Your sexuality is an open book that is written day to day. Now it is boys you like, but you may move on to women, or enjoy both. You are not living a lie, and there is nothing shameful or sinful about you. Forget the Bible for a while, and make a close friend or two at your high-school.

God never meant to torment you, and doesn't want you to suffer on account of the wonderful gift of life and sex.

Dawongsta, you are a beautiful person who has every right to enjoy his life as he wishes within the framework I quoted above.

Enjoy!



KF

I am also gay and a Christian and I can also say,"I know that I am, I know that I am". There is a way that you can know without any doubt that you are a Christian and that is by Accepting Him and asking him to come into your life. Now about being Gay, being Gay and Christian is not a sin, if so, God would not allow us to have been born this way. There is a program called Exadis that prays the gay out of you. I know one person who knows all about it. "me". I wanted so very much to rid this from me that I went to the Pastor at Glad Tidings here in Vancouver BC and I told him I was gay and wanted help. He set me up with a meeting and at this meeting I heard from another guy who was taking the program a 3rd time and the program costs today, about $1000.00 and this guy was takeing the program a 3rd time. If God wanted to heal you, he would and guess what, he would have done it for free and all you would have to do is ask. But God made us, each and every one of us and I also want to say, he didn't make Junk. Also, the word Homosexuality was not in the original scriptures, it was placed into the Bible by men and man can make mistakes. If you like, I can lead you to a web site that will open your eyes. I go to a Gay Christian Church in Vancouver called Rainbow Community Church and if you want to see the Lord raised in Worship and listen to some of the most wonderfull singing, you need to visit Rainbow.

Feel free to e-mail me, OK.vangary2002@yahoo.ca

Here are some gay affirming Christian churches in California

http://www.mccchurch.org//AM/Template.cfm?Section=Home
http://www.christchapel.com/
http://www.e3longbeach.org/
http://www.glorytabernacle.com/
http://www.pbumc.org/
http://www.uccredlands.org/
http://refinersfirelb.org/index.htm

To me, almost all churches seem a little kooky. I don't mean to disrespect genuine Christian teachings, but if I were to look for a spiritual community I would rather hang out with Buddhists..

If you wanted to channel some of your energy into action you could start a Korean group within the main organization of gay Catholics:
http://www.dignityusa.org/

I think I agree with just about everything that other members have said above. You can be a gay Christian--there are many such groups, both protestant and Catholic, and someone has kindly give the URLs above. Or you can drop out of religion, maybe just for a time and maybe permanently.

I'm a real old guy, an American living in Japan for many years. I didn't want to be gay and I grew up with some pretty conservative church people (although the most conservative). I finally became convinced that if there is a god and god made me he/she/it made me the way I am.

If you want to remain connected to the church, focus on the more positive aspects of the New Testament. Jesus was a real revolutionary, and he preached love and doing good to others, not hurting them. He was always talking about love and kindness and forgiving people who hurt you.

You can find a quote in the bible to support almost any point of view on anything if you look hard enough, especially if you include the old and new testaments, but as someone pointed out before, the old testament shows a more legalistic religion with punishment while the new is more into love and kindness. Paul writings appear in the new testament, but in many ways he is a throwback to the legalistic leanings of the old.

Anyway, cheer up and enjoy your life and your body. Don't use them to hurt others, and please be careful about AIDS, etc. As for your mother, as someone above said, there's no big hurry. My mother died without knowing about my being gay, and I think she was happier. My father is still living although quite old, and I don't think telling him would make anybody feel better.

Many people may tell you this and you may get tired of hearing it, but as you get older, some of these things don't seem so terrible. You get used to it, maybe you learn to love yourself and not worry so much about what other people think.

And I think all the answers above show that we all love you and wish the best for you. Please feel free to keep talking to us when you need to talk to somebody.

Paul

OMG! Thank you everyone. I just got back from work, and expected maybe one comment, but so many. Thanks a lot. Haven't even started reading any, but i'll get back after I read. Just wanted to make sure to thank everyone. Thank you, it means a lot! T_T

quote:

However, the main thing I have trouble in life, at the moment, is the contradictions my life has with the confusing Bible. T_T it's really hurting me as it is a part of who I am...

Dawongsta: Might I suggest you try approaching the Bible from a different perspective?

Like all religious texts, the Bible did not magically appear out of thin air. It was written by human beings such as yourself, over many centuries, and within the context of the usual assortment of political, social and personal conflicts that usually surround humans. It has also changed dramatically over time, and in fact was never considered a single text until quite recently in its history. It has always evolved with the needs or desires of the time in which it was put to use.

And here's the big point: the use to which the bible's various parts were originally put caused them to be tailored for specific times and places. The language, the metaphors, the rules...and yes, the portraits they paint of god...were all meant for cultures and times that were vastly different from ours.

As many people on this site know, I'm not a big fan of the Bible and the people who tend to swing it around like a weapon, but I appreciate the fact that it has had a huge impact on millions of lives. Like it or not, it's part of our culture. That being said, there are some very good things in the Bible; despite my own personal leanings, I'm rather fold of some of the Psalms.

But there's also some very crappy things in the Bible, and it's counterproductive to ignore them or try to gloss them over.

If you do "believe" in god, then ask yourself this: Why? Do you believe in god because you feel his presence in the world that surrounds you, the world that you live in, the world that you are a part of? Or do you "believe" in god because someone told you to, or you read it in a book, or all your friends believe? If you feel god within yourself, if you see his hand at work in the world that surrounds you, then all the contradictions in the bible -- or any other religious tract -- don't make a hoot of difference. Because that god you feel is bigger than any book could ever be and it would be silly to think a bunch of people 2000+ years ago were the only ones to ever figure him out.

If, instead of believing in god, you feel god within yourself, how could you be anything but a godly person who is worthy of that presence?

Sorry for being a wordy stranger. But then if you've done any amount of poking around on jguyusguy you already know some of us have a tendency to speak up when given the opportunity.

Do take KF's sage advice: take it easy for a while. Don't mistake the hassles of the particular stage you're at as the way it's going to be forever. You live in a big city with lots of opportunities to explore...anonymously, if you need it that way. Just be safe, be yourself, and be patient.

Believe it or not, it usually turns out pretty great.

--sonofgrecodan

Thanks everyone for the comments. But still, how should I come out? Because my church, knows my friend, who knows my cousins, who can contact my mom, etc. I was about ready to have a serious talk with a coworker/friend/sister at work...and just say "hey, I need you to keep a secret and I'm telling you this because I need some guidance"...but then, I thought of how she would probably take it and the fear of rejection.

The worst of the scenarios at the end of the chain reaction that is possible, is that my mom might kick me out. I don't want to work, especially not now. I want to finish HS at least...=/ but yeah.

As for the Bible, still getting at me, and I don't know if going to other churches will help. It's just the fact that as KH mentioned, the New testament still bites our heads. I wish it was just straightforward messages.

But still, I really appreciated the replies. I feel a little better after stressing all day....Thanks. <3

EDIT--> "KH"-->KF<--EDIT on last post.

And son of grecodan, thank you. I appreciate your post and no need to apologize.

Note:
Everyone is allowed to edit his own posts in this community app. Just click the mark in the lower right corner of whatever post you wish to edit.

Cheers!

Amen

quote:

Originally posted by deeb:
Hello everybody

This is an interesting conversation. How many young men, devout in their faith, ready to love a personal God (comes under many Names but truly the One Beloved), have come to grief because of the Church's (the Roman Catholic one in my case) use of language and the many interpretations of the Bible?

We have to move away from these things for a moment and remember that faith is not just about rules, but is to do with a person's spirit, an inner dialogue and experience formed and developed through the people we meet and how we relate to them, the times we live in and the aspirations (big or small) and the creative and ordinary things we do everyday. Imagine that Jesus is with you in the same room.....imagine how he would feel about you? He knows us all and he accepts you and me as people who have their own unique gifts, personality, insight, warmth, goodness, joy, happiness, emotions, disappointments, ideas, plans, desires and all our faults too. Look at Jesus and how he dealt with people on the margins of society and you see a picture of a man who was familiar with the human condition. He hated liars, swindlers, cheats, braggards, the "entitled" in his day. He loved people who were searching, even if they would occasionally fall by the wayside. Pray for his guidance, follow your bliss and see how the doors open to you. Live life and always be aware that He is with you Always no matter what happens.

Here is my own story of comeing out. I was once in the Canadian Armed Forces in Montreal. One day I went to my RSM and told him I was gay and you know what he did, he laughed his fool head off. He said "Kinsley, you were always a good laugh. He didn't beleve me I look so straight. O well. I just left it at that till recently when I came out on National TV, yes, TV and right across Canada. The Church I go to, Rainbow, was involved in a made for TV documentory about Gay Marrage. It was called "Gay Marrage, God only Knows". The TV camera was on me for a good 2 or 3min and I only know this from seeing myself on TV at a latter date.

quote:

Originally posted by dawongsta:
The worst of the scenarios at the end of the chain reaction that is possible, is that my mom might kick me out.

Dont' be silly! No mother in the world would ever kick out the boy she gave birth to, nursed, took care of and loved all those years, especially when she has no husband to give and get love from. Forget that scenario. It is outlandish and utterly unchristian: I presume your mother is as religious as you are.

quote:

I don't want to work, especially not now. I want to finish HS at least...

At least? I should hope so. You must aim for a college degree, and even higher for your sake and that of your mother.

The need to come out is understandable. We all felt it at some stage, and we either resisted the temptation or gave in to it. Most of us did not have the Internet and no network of brothers-in-arms to turn to for guidance. You are so lucky to be able to log on to JguyUSguy and find sympathetic voices from around the world, in different age groups, from all walks of life and backgrounds to give you their sincere counsel. How I envy you!

If coming out is to get guidance, you will find plenty on this site.

For starters, I suggest your read about it on the カミングアウト／In or Out thread.

Many members will tell you that coming out was the best thing they ever did. Others prefer to remain in the closet. Comparing both views will be useful to you.

One last thing, we appreciate your gratitude, but please don't rush to reply either here or on that thread before you have read every single post thoroughly. The reason is that I noticed you had not done your homework properly, and unless you do so, we go round in circles and it makes it difficult for us to continue helping you in a meaningful way.

Thank you!

KF

Superb conversation here, guys. Very impressed with what is being said. The whole idea of feeling guilt about sexuality is a real problem for some - I believe you have to reject anything that keeps you from being true to yourself. If that means Christianity - so be it. But the struggle is real, and I'm impressed at how supportive everyone is being to Dawongsta. Keep it up, my friends.