A lotus I offer to you a Buddha to be in the future.Quote from Thich Nhat Hanh regarding offering flowers to each other.I consider both are part of who I am so I am a gay buddhist .Also if you know anyone who can take over as moderator of my gay asian buddhist group on yahoo please let me know.
Thubten Pema Tenzin
Gay Buddhist Counselor

Dawongsta, read this!

KF

PS. By the way, how old were you when you registered as a member of JguyUSguy? If you are now eighteen, were you sixteen then? Is that why you waited so long to cry for help?

quote:

Originally posted by Kazuhito fan:
Dawongsta, read this!

KF

PS. By the way, how old were you when you registered as a member of JguyUSguy? If you are now eighteen, were you sixteen then? Is that why you waited so long to cry for help?

Exactly. ._.; I hope I don't get banned for this lol. If I do I can't reply anymore right?

Thank you all for contributing your opinions/thoughts/experiences. For those of you who tried to convince me to try Buddhism/etc...no thanks. I do believe in Jesus Christ and that he died for me. -.-; And please, never mention "Dawongstian" thing again lmao. I never would imagine me being a saint, I'm just a damn sinner and Sin itself.

Anyways, update. I haven't been online to jguyusguy after the last last reply I made.

But...after, here are some new revelations to my first book of my chronicles.

I opened up to my cousin, she's cool about it. Then to a friend from church, she was cool about it, saying she has friends, and she says I should be who I am, but she still believes it's wrong against God though. I told my pastor, he said being homosexual isn't a sin, but doing acts of homosexuality IS. He said if I repent, then I can be forgiven. To do so, it means I would need to turn away from doing any gay acts, and it's going to be hard, especially me b/c I am, despite being a Christian, such a dirty, kinky, little whore. -_-

Anyways, having confessed already, no turning back. But it feels like I got a lot of load off my chest. I don't think I will ever be able to tell my mom, but I have more confidence to let the rest of the world know about me.

Hello, my name is James Wong and I am an 18 year old gay man. Above anything, I have always believed in God. Fatherless, with a hard-working mother, I have always treated my mother like trash. It is hard to confess to her, especially because she seems to hope for her son to go to college, marry, have children, and be successful like any other Korean mothers. However, the difference in this scenario, is my mother is a single hardworking parent which hopes for all of this to happen and be re payed through the fulfillment of her dreams. I have finally told my cousin, a friend from church, and my pastor. I, throughout this whole time, have struggled for five long years through my religion, my culture, and my orientation. But now, the war between myself has slowly come to a near end, where the war has been won by identity. A variable which was unexpected. I like boys, boy action, etc. I don't have much interest in girls, and I definitely will not lie to someone and wreck them in such a fashion. I have buried myself in this mask in which many wounds have been burned into the skin, in which hid the desires of my orientation from the other side. My emotions, my thoughts, my opinions...It's almost ending, this war...But despite my identity was the clear victor, but when the new chronicle unfolds, another challenge of life awaits. Purity.

This should be like one of those webpages like "aboutaboi.com" has anyone seen it? I think I did a pretty good job at illustrating my life in a story mode. *pats self*


I know I missed some of your points, and I apologize, but I can't read all that! xD Thanks and sorry xD

It is better to live a real life than a virtual one, Dawongsta, so ignoring us is no problem.

On the other hand, treating your "mother like trash" is bad. You cannot be a sincere Christian, and do that to her. I am sure that if you became a normally affectionate and grateful son, coming out to her would be much easier than you think.

Other members on this thread who faced a similar situation will be better able to help you than I. They will no doubt give give you good advice. Please follow it.

KF

Thanks so much for a great post, wongsta. You sound like you're in a much healthier place now than a few weeks ago. I feel a sense of relief.

I'm a Christian, a member of a campus ministry group, but I am a gay. I had a very hard time to accept my sexuality myself. (My country is a moslem country - so imagine, being a gay christian in moslem country!)
Well, church members and the pastor do not know that I'm a gay though ...

Actually I'm kind of an interesting combination:
Christian+Evolutionary Biologist+Southeast Asian+Gay+lower class parents. Got all the factors to be discriminated by religious people severely ....

My family members also donot know that I'm a gay (well, I live in Japan for almost 10 years now, so I spent most of my adult life here), when they "smelt" something wrong, my father and mother called me while crying asking if I'm a gay ..... and replied no. A hypocrite, maybe, but as one of my American friends said, "dont make people feel unhappy. if your parents are happier if they don't know, you don't have to come out to them!" I came out to my younger sister, and she told me that "by not coming out, you are doing 親孝行". And think she's right. My parents maybe won't disown me if they find out, but, well, our family gonna get stigmatised pretty badly. (Most people in my country think it's OK to incarcerate gays just for doing gay acts!)

I believe in God, in the Trinity, the bible, and all. But: I don't believe in human interpretations of the bible. Even the interpretations about homosexuality!
God loves diversity. That's why he created us gay! Christianity teaches love. We are looking for somebody special, our special others .... but it happens that we are looking from the same gender. What's wrong with that? Love is still the main theme.

But well, I really understand that you're having a hard time. I was having a hard time too to accept my condition and sexuality, and I didn't have anybody to talk to, not even the through the net. But, never look down on yourself, never think that you're a sinner just because you're a gay. We are precious just as the way we are ....

In time you will understand that God loves us regardless of our sexuality. Being a Christian is not about if you're a gay or not a gay, or if you go to study evolution or study in a bible school.
But of course, we have to be wise and be a bit choosy to come out .... some people understands and have no problem with the "diversity", some people cannot accept, mainly because of mis-understandings....
Just like when people look down on people coming from another continent and be a racist.

quote:

Originally posted by Kazuhito fan:
It is better to live a real life than a virtual one, Dawongsta, so ignoring us is no problem.

On the other hand, treating your "mother like trash" is bad. You cannot be a sincere Christian, and do that to her. I am sure that if you became a normally affectionate and grateful son, coming out to her would be much easier than you think.

Other members on this thread who faced a similar situation will be better able to help you than I. They will no doubt give give you good advice. Please follow it.

KF

About the ignoring you guys. It's not meant in the way you're thinking of..I mean skim over to get the gist of it because they are too long. ._.; Don't ever think i didn't take a look at each one of the posts -.-

Your posts are often longer than ours!

What I meant by "ignoring" is that you disappear for days on end, seemingly oblivious to the fact that we are all trying hard to help you, but need your feedback to continue doing so in a meaningful way.

Now I understand that while you were silent on this thread, you were taking in real life some very important steps for your future.

Because of your apparent flippancy, I had come to care less about you personally than the opportunity you give us to question ourselves in general on issues of faith, religion and being gay.

For that, I am grateful to you.

KF

PS. Remember, though, that treating your mum like trash is no way to treat a mother.

quote:

Originally posted by Kazuhito fan:
Your posts are often longer than ours!

What I meant by "ignoring" is that you disappear for days on end, seemingly oblivious to the fact that we are all trying hard to help you, but need your feedback to continue doing so in a meaningful way.

Now I understand that while you were silent on this thread, you were taking in real life some very important steps for your future.

Because of your apparent flippancy, I had come to care less about you personally than the opportunity you give us to question ourselves in general on issues of faith, religion and being gay.

For that, I am grateful to you.

KF

PS. Remember, though, that treating your mum like trash is no way to treat a mother.

-.-; LOL I can't believe you think that I enjoy treating her the way I do. It's just the sense of not being able to reverse time. And also, it's not as bad as treating her like trash. It's more like...I don't give her the respect she deserves as a hardworking and caring mother. I know this deep down, but it's become a habit to be disrespectful to her because i've come to become used to it...and the sense of no return is what lets this ongoing. Anyways, it's not like i beat her...but like one example of a time I Pushed her hard she fell to the floor when she grabbed me on the shoulder and about to slap me -_-. And this also has to do with the past.

Anyways, that and also we argue a lot, i ask for money money money(even though I work)..., I demand things, but I mean I do say my due thanks...but I don't show love for her, the love a single, hardworking mother needs.

I put treat like trash because we dont have a mother/son relation at all. And I think she needs it a lot and is dealing with a lot of crap. But again, the sense of "no return" is what holds me back.

Anyways, deep down i love her/thank her for all shes done for me. I stuck that in there also b/c it helped the "storyline" mood I put in..about coming out and why I can't really come out to her...

Also...about me postin longer than your posts...-.-; you guys only have to read the ones I post if you are here to help me right? As for me, i'm reading long posts x 7 each time -.- so in order to not get tired of reading i have to skim is what i do. But things that i don't like, for example trying to convert me to another religion, which is not helpful at all, usually i read the first few sentences and then skip...

Dear Wongsta,
Im very sorry that you felt anyone would try to convert you to Buddhism .Buddhism is one path but there are many.I think its important that your faith and your personality match together but its a deeply personal thing.Also that you can be who you are and not feel shame and depression and blame due to healthy expression of your sexuality.If you carefully search inside your heart you will see that you find innner peace not from external things(money,things) but from discovering lasting peace inside.I wish you compassion and joy on your path to inner discovery.
May you be guided and blessed and healed,
Thubten Pema Tenzin

AUDIO for wongsta:
"I don't believe God is a God of judgment."

The fact that you acknowledge you treat your mother unlike a mother is already steps in the right direction in my mind.. You just need to actually voice your gratitude and love for your mother on the rare occasion.

People like to be thanked, begin at the most simple of things and you may see worlds of progress there...

quote:

Originally posted by dawongsta:
But still, how should I come out? Because my church, knows my friend, who knows my cousins, who can contact my mom, etc. I was about ready to have a serious talk with a coworker/friend/sister at work...and just say "hey, I need you to keep a secret and I'm telling you this because I need some guidance"...but then, I thought of how she would probably take it and the fear of rejection.

The worst of the scenarios at the end of the chain reaction that is possible, is that my mom might kick me out....

As for the Bible, still getting at me, and I don't know if going to other churches will help.

Being a Korean myself, I witness "average" Korean people gossiping behind others' back often. Being pathetically boring and having nothing else to do, they can--and will--only talk about others, rather than offering something interesting to be talked about.

Anyhow, make sure that ones to whom you talk about yourself are trustworthy. They may not accept you, but at least they can have integrity and not tell everyone they know about you. I know and hear so much about those "church-goers" who are artificially friendly yet are in fact looking for chances to be vicious and gossipy. If you have ONE trustworthy and understanding friend, that's enough indeed.

I more than once made mistake in my late teens of having told more people than I should have, as I wanted to trust people to let my inner conflict out. This hypocritical Korean boy whom I "wanted to" trust--I should not have trusted him--told me that gaiety(homosexuality) was worse than bestiality. Incredible! And what is worse, he was telling everyone about my secret I revealed to him.

So beware of those artificial hypocrites and gossipers. Keep your "social" friends in superficial terms as they deserve, and wait until you find a trusy person with integrity to talk about yourself. Until then, may you find peace in the imaginary, private yet complete world of your own!

Wow! This was a great answer. What a good question "Why do you believe in God?"
I have to admit I have never felt God within me, as hard as I have tried, and cannot believe because I am told to. Not to say I am not spiritual, I prefer to find my answers to life through examining my inner self.

quote:

Originally posted by sonofgrecodan:

quote:

However, the main thing I have trouble in life, at the moment, is the contradictions my life has with the confusing Bible. T_T it's really hurting me as it is a part of who I am...

Dawongsta: Might I suggest you try approaching the Bible from a different perspective?

Like all religious texts, the Bible did not magically appear out of thin air. It was written by human beings such as yourself, over many centuries, and within the context of the usual assortment of political, social and personal conflicts that usually surround humans. It has also changed dramatically over time, and in fact was never considered a single text until quite recently in its history. It has always evolved with the needs or desires of the time in which it was put to use.

And here's the big point: the use to which the bible's various parts were originally put caused them to be tailored for specific times and places. The language, the metaphors, the rules...and yes, the portraits they paint of god...were all meant for cultures and times that were vastly different from ours.

As many people on this site know, I'm not a big fan of the Bible and the people who tend to swing it around like a weapon, but I appreciate the fact that it has had a huge impact on millions of lives. Like it or not, it's part of our culture. That being said, there are some very good things in the Bible; despite my own personal leanings, I'm rather fold of some of the Psalms.

But there's also some very crappy things in the Bible, and it's counterproductive to ignore them or try to gloss them over.

If you do "believe" in god, then ask yourself this: Why? Do you believe in god because you feel his presence in the world that surrounds you, the world that you live in, the world that you are a part of? Or do you "believe" in god because someone told you to, or you read it in a book, or all your friends believe? If you feel god within yourself, if you see his hand at work in the world that surrounds you, then all the contradictions in the bible -- or any other religious tract -- don't make a hoot of difference. Because that god you feel is bigger than any book could ever be and it would be silly to think a bunch of people 2000+ years ago were the only ones to ever figure him out.

If, instead of believing in god, you feel god within yourself, how could you be anything but a godly person who is worthy of that presence?

Sorry for being a wordy stranger. But then if you've done any amount of poking around on jguyusguy you already know some of us have a tendency to speak up when given the opportunity.

Do take KF's sage advice: take it easy for a while. Don't mistake the hassles of the particular stage you're at as the way it's going to be forever. You live in a big city with lots of opportunities to explore...anonymously, if you need it that way. Just be safe, be yourself, and be patient.

Believe it or not, it usually turns out pretty great.

--sonofgrecodan

Originally posted by sonofgrecodan:

quote:

"Believe it or not, it usually turns out pretty great."

No wonder Sonofgrecodan is a successful writer in real life!

He resumes in a few words what took me a half-century to comprehend.

KF

quote:

Yet in long-term relationships most people will admit they go through slumps and difficult times when they can't really feel that love inside themselves, but they go on because they believe it still exists, or more strongly, even if they have trouble believing it, they have faith it still exists.

Hey Kimballsan, do you think maybe the christian god goes through the same thing? does he/she/it ever have doubts about this relationship he/she/it is in (with people)?

just a short koan to start the weekend.

--sonof(a)...

quote:

No wonder Sonofgrecodan is a successful writer in real life!

Haven't quit the day job yet, mon ami!

--sonof...